pregnancy, i think i love you.

so, here we are-- 6 months in, and i would have to say that this is the most exciting and joyful time of my whole life.
there's this moment of realization just after becoming pregnant that "life is never going to be the same". no matter how bad you wanted to start the family (or in my case, anyway) there was still this short period of time where you somewhat mourn your old life, and wonder just what this new life is going to look like?
i absoulutely LOOOOOVED my old life. you know, the selfish life. where guinn and i went wherever we wanted whenever we wanted. traveling overseas on a whim, downtown for happy hour any night of the week, random weekend trips, running and going to the pool any time of day. it was a good life for sure. and i praise God for 5 full years of marriage living like that because those years, we will never get back and i will cherish that time forever.
but now, and even from the moment i got pregnant, my thinking has completely changed. it's no longer about me. it can't be. from what i eat to the places i go, to how i spend my money-- it's ALL for the babe. in fact, that's become our little phrase around here..."all for the babe". (usually when referring to a second or third serving at dinner :o)
anyway, God knew what he was doing when he made pregnancy 9 months long. along the way you become so attached to this tiny little baby growing inside of you. i could have been the most selfish person (which i was) and now, it really is all for the babe. you want nothing but the best and you would do absolutely anything in the world for her.
the closest thing i can compare this experience to so far is the time between getting engaged and getting married. you get engaged and then (in our situation) for the next 8 months we planned and dreamed about being married and our future together.
that's kind of how this 9 months feels...you find out you're pregnant and then for the next 9 months you plan and dream and plan and dream. it's such an unknown. just as i had never been married, i've never been a mom. you wonder what that will look like. i find myself lying awake at night for hours just dreaming about our little baby joining our team.
it is so hard to wait because you want nothing more than to hold her in your arms and give her one million kisses!! you want her to know just how much you love her but it's hard to express that while she's in womb, of course. but, everyday i wake up so excited that we are one day closer to meeting our little girl!

so, pregnancy...i think i love you. you've been good to me and have made me one happy little mama. let's keep this thriving relationship going for 3 more months!